When you don't know how to do something ask someone who does it well

When I need help I ask. I see it as a strength in me and always in others. I have the luxury of tapping into some of the best thinkers out there in the field. One evening after speaking with my friend, Doug I decided to write my professional colleagues about how do you do your best to help someone who is facing a life-threatening disease and who describes mortality yapping at his heals (and you are afraid of dogs).

I have included here part of a response I received. I think it is valuable to share.

...just a few words about what I have found helpful. In working with clients that was helpful and thinking back on what I did not do so well with family and friends I discovered the best I could do was be there to affirm their fear and let them talk about it while I validated their thoughts. Then I slowly led them to imagine what they hoped it would be. This was also mixed with much talk about what they might want to say to those they love, hear from those they love, etc. The biggest fear was when is it going to hit and how. So my approach was to help them talk about the important emotional issues that really matter to them. I imagine that you have done that but I found it important to just keep listening and then gently redirecting to what they actually have control over in the moment and that is how they can think about how they want it. That said, it is important to remember that ther is no great solution. When people have great fear of death sometimes there is not much we can do. Sometimes talking about the fear is all that is necessary because most people try to steer the conversation away from this and so they can't deal with the feelings and become overwhelmed. If you actually know what the real fear or other issues are you can be the most effective possible. It might be sitting and speaking softly about many wonderful memories or imaginings, of things he might imagine himself working on, building, etc., in his dozing. It is such a loving act to be with someone when they are dying. It is also very difficult. Please take care of yourself and remember that he is displaying his act of faith and love in you as a friend just by asking you to be there with him
Warmest thoughts. ------